Как и обещала, публику свеженькое сочинение, которое не успела показать репетитору. Так, как английский нужен мне для того, чтобы получить работу своей мечты, тему для сочинения такую и выбрали.
Буду ждать "разбора полетов" от вас, и если будет интересно , то завтра опубликую какие ошибки мы нашли с репетитором.
P.S: не могу жить без музыки, поэтому написание данного эссе сопровождала Lady Sovereign с песенкой 9 to 5.
Job of my dream
In different periods of my life I had dreams about different types of profession.When I was 5-6 years old, I wanted to be a cosmonaut. Why? Igot this idea when I have seen photography with Yuri Gagarin in newspaper.After that, my grandmother has told me about dogs-cosmonauts "Belka" and "Strelka" and their flight to the space. I fantasized, how I will see the Earth from porthole window. But this dream didn't come true.When I start my study in an elementary school a lot of new things came into my life and of course a new dream "whom I want to be". From 7 years I have learned to play the violin and imagination what I'm famous like Vanessa Mae. But this dream didn't come true, too. It's really difficult to play the violin. You have to be patient and diligent. I wanted to play with my friends outside, when I was 7, and I didn't want stay at home and to learn a piece of music.A little bit later, when I was about 10 years old, the TV show (SMAK) inspire me to be a cook! And ( I don't know why) move to Paris and to have 8 children. But, when my mother gave me responsibility to peel potatoes, I understood, that the cook — it's not a good idea. The older the better I understand, that "no pains, no gains". Now I have a diploma of Management and I'm studying for manager of public relations. My new job of dream is a Manager of PR in a big and famous company, like BMW or Audi. Or in some company who take cares about wild nature. I know, I should work hard and be kind and then my dream will come true.P.S. However somewhere in my soul I still want to be a cosmonaut.
* Я помню, что нужно перезаписать поэмку— всё будет завтра!
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Так, очень хорошо, поехали.
In different periods of my life I had dreams about different types of profession. When I was 5-6 years old, I wanted to be a cosmonaut. Why? I got this idea when
I have seen photography with Yuri Gagarin in newspaperI saw photographs of Yuri Gagarin in a newspaper. After that, my grandmotherhastold me aboutdogs-cosmonautsthe space dogs "Belka" and "Strelka" and their flight to the space. I fantasized,(запятая не нужна) how Iwillwould (согласование времен: если повествование в прошедшем времени, will превращается в would) see the Earth from the porthole window. Butthisthat dream didn't come true. When Istartstarted my study inan(когда о школе говорится в общем, артикль не употребляется) elementary school a lot of new things came into my life and of course a new dream "whom I want to be".From 7 years I have learned to play the violin and imagination what I'm famous like Vanessa MaeAt the age of 7 I was learning to play the violin and imagined that I would be famous like Vanessa Mae. Butthisthat dream didn't come true,tooeither (при отрицании too превращается в either). It's really difficult to play the violin. You have to be patient and diligent. I wanted to play with my friends outside, when I was 7, and I didn't want to stay at home and to learn a piece of music. A little bit later, when I was about 10 years old, the TV show (SMAK)inspireinspired me to be a cook! And (I don't know why) move to Paris and to have 8 children. But,when my mother gave me the responsibility to peel potatoes, I understood,thatthe cook — it's not a good ideato become a cook was not a good idea. The older the better I understand, that "no pains, no gains". Now I have a diploma of Management and I'm studying for manager of public relations. My new job of dream is a Manager of PR in a big and famous company, like BMW or Audi. Or in some companywho takethat cares about wild nature. I know, I should work hard and be kind and then my dream will come true.Замечания такие.
Космонавт по-английски будет austronaut. Они, возможно, поймут и cosmonaut, поскольку это слово использовалось в СССР, но рассчитывать на это не стоит.
Далее, было несколько употреблений Present Perfect: в последовательном повествовании о событиях прошлого этой временой формы быть не должно.
Ну и еще раз напоминаю, что по нормам английской грамматики все слова заголовка начинаются с большой буквы: Job Of My Dream. А также хотелось бы видеть в сочинении разбивку на абзацы.
А так очень даже неплохо!